Mental Megaphone

The past few weeks have been very busy with working on the sound design for Yellow Face, teaching my actors, picking up some guest lectures, and my PR work for the department. This really is the first day I have had in awhile where I do not have some sort of extended agenda for the day. It feels great. But with the lack of goal-oriented thought comes a flood of neglected emotional and mental stuff that can now come to the forefront.

- I miss Greendale. Not homesick, I have learned that now. The mighty midwest will always be my roots. The summer memories of my youth will always be tied to running though sprinklers in our old house, Twi-Nite baseball, sundaes at Ferch's, and fireworks at the high school. I latched onto that energy again when we were in Chicago, but it wasn't enough to carry me. I can now see that I will always look at that part of my life fondly, and still love the little reminders of those days. My Brewers, secret stadium sauce on a brat, Kopps Custard, Sprecher Root Beer, and of course visits back there to see my sister, brother-in-law, and my nieces. My grown up life fits better here in California, but I will never forget where I am from.

- I don't miss performing as much as I thought I would. I have had pangs lately to get back on stage, but working on YF reminded me of that fine line that I now walk between artist and family man. It isn't out of obligation, it is my choice. I made it long ago and I hold to it now. I like coming home at night, seeing my wife and just being with her. Yes, I will be back on stage again someday soon. And yes, I will direct again of course. It is my career, and I will not let that go. But I just can't be one of those people that is always in another show, always pulling late hours week after week. I applaud those who can, but I am really enjoying the role of "husband" right now.

- I can't wait for a vacation. Nicole and I need to get away. Somewhere, sometime soon. Hopefully it won't be too far down the road.

- I love teaching. I already knew that, but my beginning acting students have made it even more obvious. They get the material, and even more than that they are really using it and becoming more honest in their work each and every day. I love it. I recently spoke of teaching as "my drug of choice" to some students, and it really is true. I get a high from it. I can't wait for another dose tomorrow. Getting the shakes here...

Those are the biggies. Not much else to say. My brain feels better for just getting those thoughts out like that. I guess that is why I have been writing this thing for seven years now. Hard to believe.

Man, I want some custard. Peace...

To Catch A Bully

Phoebe Prince, only fifteen years old and one of the latest victims of the oldest terror of the schoolyard... the bully. "Chased to her grave by a gang-like clique of her peers", her spirit finally broke on January 14 of this year when she hung herself. This story may be several months old, but it still is as potent in shock-value as the day it broke.

Why was this allowed to happen? Why did this girl feel there was no other alternative? How isolated and alone must this girl have felt for her to choose this path? So many questions, and very few answers. The motives for the bullying are not important. The important part is that at some point, this girl had two terrible things happen simultaneously that caused this outcome. If one or the other had been prevented, Phoebe would still be with us today.

The bullying should have been stopped. In this new digital age, "cyberbullying" is a difficult thing to catch. This is unfortunate since in this case, most of the abuse came through text messages in a "three-month campaign of harassment". Again, this kind of thing is hard to catch, but it is not impossible. Where were the parents from either side? The bullies' parents never saw anything? Not a single clue on their students' phones or online?

I also find it hard to believe that Phoebe's parents never noticed anything. Who knows. Maybe she never mentioned it, or hid her pain so well that they weren't the least bit wise. If so, then we mourn for her death even more.

That is the crux of any situation like this. Either the offense is discovered, or the damage is noticed. For Phoebe, it went to a horrible and tragic extreme that could have been prevented. Intervention can work. Bullies aren't going to kiss and make up. They need reprimand and assessment. And the victim's wounds won't just heal after the assailant has been dealt with or moves on to another target. The "powers that be" (parents, administrators, counselors, teachers, and other students to an extent) need to know that silence, ignorance, weak-handed actions, or anything short of swift and decisive action will not do. Victims need to know that they can speak out that that they will be heard.

This cannot be a shocking revelation for this many people. Who can say they weren't bullied at least once? We all have been picked on.

They tease. We run. We cry. We hide.

Sometimes, the abuse was in the dark. Behind the teacher's back. After school in the play ground. A note in a locker.

They chase. They beat. They taunt. They hurt.

Sometimes it was ignored. "Problem child, but the year is almost over anyways." "That is just the way little boys are."

Don't believe the lies. Don't ignore the truth. Don't dumb it down or count it for anything less than what it is. The worst finally happened, and who knows if others didn't take the same actions for the same reasons, or who has come close to being the next tragedy in the morning paper.

Life Goals

Ever write them down? I know I have thought about them a lot through the years. Some have come true, but not all. Some maybe never will because of the path I have taken. I just hope I can achieve enough of them to make it all worth it.

In no particular order, with no explanation, and by no means a complete or fully-disclosed list...

[ ] Be the next star catcher for the Milwaukee Brewers
[X] See Brett Favre play at Lambeau as a Packer
[ ] Perform in a show at AMTSJ
[X] Play a romantic lead
[X] Get my B.A.
[ ] Get my M.A.
[ ] Get my Ph.D.
[X] Get married
[X] Be a good husband
[ ] Be a father
[ ] Be a good father
[ ] Own a home
[ ] Be regarded as a successful/influential educator
[ ] Publish my book
[ ] Be a grandfather
[ ] Go to Ireland
[ ] Take Nicole to Paris
[ ] Brew my own beer at least once
[X] Learn to cook
[X] Get a teaching job at a university
[ ] Get a permanent faculty position at a university
[ ] Direct at an Equity house
[ ] Complete a precise family tree
[ ] Grow old and cranky, drinking beer with shriveled up versions of my best friends

Here's to dreaming. Peace...