NFL Blackout
 The only reason I am posting this is to hopefully be a real drop of water in the tidal wave of webtrends against the NFL after this aberration of a weekend of "fair competition".

Robbery.

 People robbed of their money. Children robbed of meaningful memories. Players robbed of their dignity. Teams robbed of wins. And a league robbed of its integrity.

Dear Roger Goodell,

I, a longtime Packer fan and dedicated customer of your product will no longer patronize your business. I will not watch NFL games. I will not visit NFL.com. I will not play fantasy football. I will not be a part of my Sunday ritual, possibly for the rest of the season, until you and your league get it right again. Your labor dispute with the referees has made NFL Football a sub-par product. It is unsafe, unsatisfying, unfair, and frustrating to watch.

I do not watch the NFL to be frustrated. I watch it to be entertained through the exhibition of great talent on a field of fair play. I am done. I do not care if I already am missing the NHL. I don't need a cut-rate league taking my time. I would rather watch professional wrestling than watch what you have put in front of us.

Mr. Goodell, you should be ashamed. I am disgusted and embarrassed by what you have presented to the American public over the past 36 hours, and I for one will not take it. So many have said that "it won't matter because America will still watch".

My TV is off. Next Sunday, it will remain that way.

Good day, sir.

Futher Evolution

The ten year old version of myself would kick me in the shins.

Lately, I have found myself doing some rather odd things that I have never done before. I am watching far less television by choice. Either I don't want the noise or the mindless lack of interaction, or I want to do something different... like reading... or listening to classical impressionist music... or songwriting... All three examples are tagged in ellipsis for the sake of incredulous emphasis. I have the distinct feeling that this feeling is not shared by those who know me well.

I am not ignorant of the fact that my tastes are widely varying. One moment, it could be Less Than Jake at full volume while driving Highway 17 with the windows down, the next it could be sitting for an hour in luxurious silence on our porch whilst sipping twelve year old Jameson. The thing is that I have noticed a shift further into the latter from the former as of late.

Just this afternoon, I sat and read over 100 pages of Never Have Your Dog Stuffed by Alan Alda. I have a dozen perfectly good episodes of Cheers on our DVR that I have never seen, having just now discovered the show's brilliance. But even this new pleasure has been slid to the side by (admittedly) less stereotypical endeavors than your average 28 year old indulges in.

Part of me wondered if I was feeling low. No, I really am not. I am damn happy. I am just surprised by my own evolution. I wonder what a younger version of me would say. I don't feel like I have "become better" or that the old self was boorish or immature. I was the way someone should be at whatever age I was. This time, I notice the shift much more as I edge closer to thirty than I noticed the changes I made as I got closer to twenty.

I feel that I want to do more with the time I have. There are certainly frivolous moments where I pass the time idly. But now, I really hate when those moments pile up. I clean more, write more, read more, work more, learn more and absorb more. I want every day to have a profound discovery, moment of enlightenment, or feeling of accomplishment. I haven't thought of myself as "lazy" since early in my college years, but now my inner drive has gotten even stronger for some reason. I want every day to be a day where I can say "That was worth it", and I tend to get angry at myself when I don't.

My ten year old self may kick me in the shins, but the me of today will walk away to the calming sounds of Claire De Lune. Peace...

Release Valve

Sometimes, all it really takes to get your mind back where it needs to be is a few nights out with some great people. Why am I surprised that this worked?

Middle of this past week, I had hit a wall fairly hard. It was the first time since living in Chicago that I had felt worn in all departments. Mentally drained, physically just not up on my game, and low on karma for some reason. I needed a prescription for some feel good medicine, and this weekend delivered.

Enter some former students and a current colleague and their wonderful performance Friday night, attended to by yours truly with my babe-alicious wife at my side. A fantastic show with energy to spare, saw some wonderful old colleagues/acquaintances, then capped off the night with pints of the darkest ales at a place in Santa Cruz. But as the old saying goes, take two and call me in the morning...

Saturday night. Mexican food, high-class cocktails and other downtown nuttiness with my oldest friend. I stayed out past midnight two nights in a row. Curative powers? Who knows. Whatever juju was at play, it worked. I feel right again. Peace...

Taking My Baby Soul For A Ride

Lately, I have been engrossed in a book for the first time in a long time. I can honestly say that aside from reading plays, this is the first time since reading Wonder Boys while on a ski trip with friends in late 2003 that I have found myself planning time to sit and read.

The book, Ghost Rider by Neil Peart, chronicles the aftermath of a ten month period in which he lost his daughter in a car accident and his wife to cancer. He drove, from Quebec to Alaska, down the west coast of Canada and the U.S.A., through Mexico all the way to Belize. I am about 60% through the book, so I don't know how much further he goes. But what kept striking me is his discussion of therapy. He frequently refers to his "little baby soul", likening it to an infant who when upset could benefit from the simple therapy of motion.

There is a lot going on in my life right now between the light at the end of the tunnel that is the final year of my masters, the show I am directing, my teaching responsibilities, and the usual family stuff. Thankfully, it isn't anything I can't handle. Things are quite manageable. But it still feels good to type it all out and voice it, even it just for myself. Maybe that is why I talk to myself so often. I just like to sound things out, even if they aren't "bad things".

So this is me, taking my little baby soul for a ride, figuratively speaking. In the end, that is what I think blogs are really about. So many people (especially in the real heyday of blogging back around 2002 or so) were all about how many readers they had. Hell, even I was on that train. But I think the reason I never deleted this thing in the name of anonymity or lack of use is that it still exists as a sounding board for myself.

Even if things are great, perspective is still a great thing to have. Sometimes, your brain can only get so full of whatever life may give you before you pour some of it out somehow. Peace...

Mickey's Hands Are Blurry

Wow, its July already. I know it is cliche to say "time flies", but in this case I can't help but feel that it really does. One year ago, I was working 65 hour weeks between PYT and BevMo. Now, only the former remains and my life is far more calm and serene. Strange to think that a year has passed already. Goes to show that being back in California and being happy with life in general makes quick work of the calendar.

Other than our living arrangements (which aren't "bad", just not ideal in my opinion), life is right where I want it. Can't expect much more. My work is rewarding and steady as is Nicole's, we are in good health, we love our friends and family and the time we have been able to spend with them, and life is good.

So for this 4th of July, my toast is to our new-found freedom of our lives. I am thankful for what we have, and it feels great to have it. Not the best post ever, I know. But it sure feels good to be able to say it. Peace...

Halfway

As of tomorrow when I turn in my final paper, I will be chronologically half-way done with my Masters. Credits wise, I am way ahead of the curve, 21/30 units complete with 15 finished last semester. This has been a real challenge, but I have been enjoying the research I have been doing and hope that my professor likes my paper. I feel good about it!

At last, it will be time to get into summer mode. Teaching with a company I have been with for four years (minus Chicago), taking a trip with Nicole at some point, and hopefully getting a little time to just do nothing at all. Last summer was so intense with teaching all day and working a night job. 60-70 hour weeks were just too much. I am happy that I kept my cool with the students through all that. It helps to think that now I should be able to handle it with even less stress now that I am just working with them and nothing else.

Not too much to say this time other than a little status report. Happy Birthday to my mom, belated to my sis-in-law, and of course my wife. Can't wait for warmer weather. What is up with this rain and 64 degree crap. Come on Cali. Get with it. Peace...

Mental Megaphone

The past few weeks have been very busy with working on the sound design for Yellow Face, teaching my actors, picking up some guest lectures, and my PR work for the department. This really is the first day I have had in awhile where I do not have some sort of extended agenda for the day. It feels great. But with the lack of goal-oriented thought comes a flood of neglected emotional and mental stuff that can now come to the forefront.

- I miss Greendale. Not homesick, I have learned that now. The mighty midwest will always be my roots. The summer memories of my youth will always be tied to running though sprinklers in our old house, Twi-Nite baseball, sundaes at Ferch's, and fireworks at the high school. I latched onto that energy again when we were in Chicago, but it wasn't enough to carry me. I can now see that I will always look at that part of my life fondly, and still love the little reminders of those days. My Brewers, secret stadium sauce on a brat, Kopps Custard, Sprecher Root Beer, and of course visits back there to see my sister, brother-in-law, and my nieces. My grown up life fits better here in California, but I will never forget where I am from.

- I don't miss performing as much as I thought I would. I have had pangs lately to get back on stage, but working on YF reminded me of that fine line that I now walk between artist and family man. It isn't out of obligation, it is my choice. I made it long ago and I hold to it now. I like coming home at night, seeing my wife and just being with her. Yes, I will be back on stage again someday soon. And yes, I will direct again of course. It is my career, and I will not let that go. But I just can't be one of those people that is always in another show, always pulling late hours week after week. I applaud those who can, but I am really enjoying the role of "husband" right now.

- I can't wait for a vacation. Nicole and I need to get away. Somewhere, sometime soon. Hopefully it won't be too far down the road.

- I love teaching. I already knew that, but my beginning acting students have made it even more obvious. They get the material, and even more than that they are really using it and becoming more honest in their work each and every day. I love it. I recently spoke of teaching as "my drug of choice" to some students, and it really is true. I get a high from it. I can't wait for another dose tomorrow. Getting the shakes here...

Those are the biggies. Not much else to say. My brain feels better for just getting those thoughts out like that. I guess that is why I have been writing this thing for seven years now. Hard to believe.

Man, I want some custard. Peace...

To Catch A Bully

Phoebe Prince, only fifteen years old and one of the latest victims of the oldest terror of the schoolyard... the bully. "Chased to her grave by a gang-like clique of her peers", her spirit finally broke on January 14 of this year when she hung herself. This story may be several months old, but it still is as potent in shock-value as the day it broke.

Why was this allowed to happen? Why did this girl feel there was no other alternative? How isolated and alone must this girl have felt for her to choose this path? So many questions, and very few answers. The motives for the bullying are not important. The important part is that at some point, this girl had two terrible things happen simultaneously that caused this outcome. If one or the other had been prevented, Phoebe would still be with us today.

The bullying should have been stopped. In this new digital age, "cyberbullying" is a difficult thing to catch. This is unfortunate since in this case, most of the abuse came through text messages in a "three-month campaign of harassment". Again, this kind of thing is hard to catch, but it is not impossible. Where were the parents from either side? The bullies' parents never saw anything? Not a single clue on their students' phones or online?

I also find it hard to believe that Phoebe's parents never noticed anything. Who knows. Maybe she never mentioned it, or hid her pain so well that they weren't the least bit wise. If so, then we mourn for her death even more.

That is the crux of any situation like this. Either the offense is discovered, or the damage is noticed. For Phoebe, it went to a horrible and tragic extreme that could have been prevented. Intervention can work. Bullies aren't going to kiss and make up. They need reprimand and assessment. And the victim's wounds won't just heal after the assailant has been dealt with or moves on to another target. The "powers that be" (parents, administrators, counselors, teachers, and other students to an extent) need to know that silence, ignorance, weak-handed actions, or anything short of swift and decisive action will not do. Victims need to know that they can speak out that that they will be heard.

This cannot be a shocking revelation for this many people. Who can say they weren't bullied at least once? We all have been picked on.

They tease. We run. We cry. We hide.

Sometimes, the abuse was in the dark. Behind the teacher's back. After school in the play ground. A note in a locker.

They chase. They beat. They taunt. They hurt.

Sometimes it was ignored. "Problem child, but the year is almost over anyways." "That is just the way little boys are."

Don't believe the lies. Don't ignore the truth. Don't dumb it down or count it for anything less than what it is. The worst finally happened, and who knows if others didn't take the same actions for the same reasons, or who has come close to being the next tragedy in the morning paper.

Life Goals

Ever write them down? I know I have thought about them a lot through the years. Some have come true, but not all. Some maybe never will because of the path I have taken. I just hope I can achieve enough of them to make it all worth it.

In no particular order, with no explanation, and by no means a complete or fully-disclosed list...

[ ] Be the next star catcher for the Milwaukee Brewers
[X] See Brett Favre play at Lambeau as a Packer
[ ] Perform in a show at AMTSJ
[X] Play a romantic lead
[X] Get my B.A.
[ ] Get my M.A.
[ ] Get my Ph.D.
[X] Get married
[X] Be a good husband
[ ] Be a father
[ ] Be a good father
[ ] Own a home
[ ] Be regarded as a successful/influential educator
[ ] Publish my book
[ ] Be a grandfather
[ ] Go to Ireland
[ ] Take Nicole to Paris
[ ] Brew my own beer at least once
[X] Learn to cook
[X] Get a teaching job at a university
[ ] Get a permanent faculty position at a university
[ ] Direct at an Equity house
[ ] Complete a precise family tree
[ ] Grow old and cranky, drinking beer with shriveled up versions of my best friends

Here's to dreaming. Peace...

Metoprolol Dreams

I used to get migraines. The kind that would start with a flickering light in the corner of my peripheral vision, then spread across my view until I couldn't see anything. Suddenly, the "auras" would go away, but be quickly followed by that crushing, debilitating, all-encompassing pain that my fellow migraine sufferers know all too well. I could lose up to three whole days because of them, and had them as often as every ten days.

Thanks to my doctor, I am now on beta-blockers as a preventative measure against these gnarly headaches. It has worked wonders, since (knock on wood) I haven't had a full-blown one since I started the treatment. It has also helped my slightly high blood pressure, which is a lovely side-effect. But, one other effect of the medicine is listed on WebMD simply as "unusual dreams". Unusual. The makeup of my dreamscape since starting this medicine could be described far more vividly than just "unusual"... for everynight, my mind switches gears, and takes an acid-like trip into Metoprolol Dreams.

There, you will not find the classic nightmarish fodder of falling, running in slow motion or being naked in your high-school chemistry classroom. In this warped, parasomnial world, dreams are so well defined in their structure and visuals that you would swear they were truly real. I once was able to wake, boot-up my computer in the next room, and transcribe an entire dream (verbatim) into a short-story about a boy whose dream-self is a spectre who decimates a small town in his dreams every night. That was over ten months ago, and rereading it now, it still holds up as a solid story with dramatic promise.

In these dreams, I rarely find the nonsensical worlds of elephants eating donuts as they fly spaceships to New Jersey during rush-hour. These dreams have such a powerful reality to them, that I sometimes have real problems snapping out of them when I awake. As annoying as this is, it's very rare. But it sure gives me pause to think about the subconscious mind's hold on our reality.

No matter what Burtonesque world I visit at night, I still wake each morning happy that I am healthier for the treatment I am now on. So until they can develop a new drug, I guess my mind will take the nightly journey into an unknown world where the borders between fantasy and reality are blurred to the point that you almost can tell the difference between the two. Peace...

Not Lenny!

Just found some REALLY OLD mp3's from my ska band. 7 years ago. David Leventhal produced these way back when we first met. Hopped up on coffee, recording until the wee hours of the morning after working opening shifts at Starbucks. I posted them up. I was guitar and backing vox. Loud, fast, fun, not always perfect, but it was our noise!

Not Lenny, The Lost Mp3's

Enjoy! Peace...

One Year

Wow, have we been back in California for a year already? Time flies. It has been great to be home. I do miss Ellen and all the Lynch/Hayes folks and the few friends from various jobs I had there. But in the end, we are much happier here.

Thanks to everyone for a awesome year back home. Many more to come. Peace...

A Life Domestic

As I sit here, watching Good Eats in a freshly cleaned apartment, I realize that I have found a real liking for an inviting home. I guess it isn't all that maverick of me to be a young married male who is shirking the status-quo and enjoying the rewards of a clean and organized apartment. But, it is very telling that I spent most of the day yesterday scrubbing, cleaning, picking-up and otherwise refreshing our home.

The day before, I woke up with the sun to move all of our furniture out of our living room and kitchen so that we could get the carpets cleaned. And let me tell you, it made a world of difference. It really makes you realize how dirty something was once you clean it. One year of foot traffic, dust, food dribbles and what-not took their toll. Nicole and I agreed that it wasn't that the apartment smelled "bad" before as much as it smells really fresh and good now.

With all the cleaning, I also turn back to the aforementioned culinary entertainment. It is coming up on two years of marriage, and I really have loved becoming a better cook. I was never really all that bad, just unlearned and unexperienced. I love getting ideas and making things from scratch without a recipe. I am actually dreaming of a pouch cooked salmon dish from the episode I linked above. Amazing stuff.

So, with our new midnight jasmine scented candles, the fluffy cleaned carpet, and stacks of laundered clothes laying about, I can say that life is pretty darn comfortable. Peace...

Stop Ginger Hate

I see how it is NBC, you just hate him because of the color of his hair. How petty. Forget the talent, forget the fact that he is one of the smartest comedians on TV and that you should be thankful for the fact that he had raised the bar for late night TV.

If Friday is indeed his last show, then it is official. NBC, you suck.

Nothing Wrong With This

A productive day at work, an evening watching football, and some incredible smoked chicken thanks to my grill outside. Top it all off with a beer and maybe a Sprecher Root Beer float later and you have a great night.

I am sitting watching Dallas beat the brains out of Philly, and really enjoying the feel of what I have going. Life isn't perfect by a long shot, but you can't complain about having the bills paid and having a comfy chair to chill in while you relax after work.

School is kicking back into gear in about two weeks. But until then, it will be nice to bask in the glow of the good thing I have going here. Peace...

A New Year, New Challenges

Another year goes by, and I look back very briefly to see what had happened. For those of you who haven't been on Mars, Nicole and I are happily back in San Jose after our excursion in Chicago. It was an amazing experience, but we just missed home.

Being back here has been incredible. Times with old friends, meeting new ones, happy hours at the new place, and being back with the family. I have loved every minute of it. It has been hard, working long hours to make ends meet. But I love the work I do at SJSU and at other companies, and Nicole has thrived in her new position at Nordstrom. (So proud of her). And that little excursion to China which was a blast. (Never travelling abroad without the wife again.)

All in all, 2009 was a great year. It had its moments of stress with my gramma hurting herself and other family things here and there I don't want to get too deep into. But, I have a roof over my head, money in the bank, a wife who I adore, and friends that simply rock.

So, now onto a new decade. Wait, thats a big chunk to look at. Ten whole years. Jeez. Ten years ago I was a senior in high school and was planning on going to San Diego State. Hadn't even discovered theatre yet. Wow. So, just looking at this year. New teaching opportunity at State, travel plans, the masters continues, and I get do it all with my lady by my side. Can't wait. Peace...

Excited but really nervous about China. Nicole just left for work, and I am all alone getting ready to go. I will miss her a lot, but this is an incredible journey for me, and I really need this. It will be good for me.

It will be nice to come home. Ten days on the other side of the world will be difficult. Miss you all. Peace...

Kick In The Ass

There are just those certain people you encounter in your everyday life that you feel deserve something beyond a smack upside the head, but a step short of a punch in the gut. They just need a good swift kick in the ass.

-People in the library on the "silent floor" who are on their phones full volume.
-People eating and drinking, crumping bags and disturbing others with obnoxious smelling food in those same study areas. (Can you tell where I am today?)
-People who cut in line. Simple as that.
-People who won't let you merge.
-People who bitch about free things. It was FREE, take it and leave.

Insert yours here. Back to work. Peace...

Three days until China! Excited, nervous, a little over loaded, but more the first than anything. Going to be a real adventure!

All New Digs

Decided to get out of the inside of my head, and make this place a little more loungy. You likes? Lots of the same stuff as before. Links, photos, quotes... but new stuff like my YouTube Channel and a playlist thingy that is pretty cool. Its like TDF is evolving.

So... also this happens to be my 300th post. Wow. Lots of writing through the years. Been a real renaissance this past Fall with me actually using this thing again after not touching it for two years. Damn MySpace craze. I won't go chronicling the highlights of the past six years and 300 rants of mine, but it has been fun. I have actualy had a sizeable amount of people checking this place out. Blogging is not dead, and neither am I. Suprising on both fronts though considering what has been going on the past three months. Hell, the last nine months.

This semester hasn't been easy. Lots of papers and other creative projects that have been taking up my time. Add work, married life, and the upcoming trip to China, and this Fall has become an unnamable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Yes, I made an Elzar reference. Woot. It has been fun though, moving up the ranks towards being a teacher in a real university. I am looking forward more and more to the day when I get to be called Professor... Maybe even Doctor.

For now, its home to clean and work on papers and relax in my new armchair. My chair. Sounds so good. Peace...